I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Less talking, more tequila
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
