Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
