Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
