Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
