these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
