Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
