Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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