So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
