I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
