This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
