NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
