hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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