its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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