I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
