Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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