physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
