i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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