When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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