Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Let's get the cat blown out
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I don't want my vagina anymore.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
