when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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