how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
