I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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