i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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