hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
