Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
