I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
