he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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