I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
