I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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