I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize