So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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