Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
God I need to hump something, right now.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
