u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
