I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
