This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
