she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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