Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
