Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
