I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Randomize