so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
