They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
