I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
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