I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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