she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
