when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
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