Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
