but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
