she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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