I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
