Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
