omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
