I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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