Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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