dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
