I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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