My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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