carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I've blown a few things in my day
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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