woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
