that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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