at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
