I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
