You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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