I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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