highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
