I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
