adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
