I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
