he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
did i walk over a car last night?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Randomize
