you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
