So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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