Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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