He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
