I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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